Friday, May 29, 2015

Friday Car Pr0n #82

In keeping with the numerical series, here's the entry for number 82:


1982 saw the introduction of General Motors' answer to the K-Car, the unholy quartet of the Oldsmobile Cutlass Ciera, Pontiac 6000, Buick Century (v. 5.0) and the car shown above, the Chevrolet Celebrity. It should have been a harbinger of the paring-down that would be needed that this horrible, awful car would be reproduced across not two, not three, but four different platforms.

At least Pontiac and Chevy had the common decency to give new model names. Buick reassigned the Century moniker to the uninspiring box, but then again, the "Century" name had adorned the crappy "Aeroback" A-body given to the late 1970s last-gasp "muscle" versions of formerly great cars like the 442 and the Malibu. Oldsmobile denigrating the Cutlass on the little boxy sedan (and station wagon) was the final insult to a formerly great car.

Apparently, these cars were so crappy that they just won't die, as many are still seen puttering around various small towns, still ferrying the little old ladies that bought them in the '80s and early 1990s to church, the supermarket, and post office. While they are aggressively rusting away, the rate of decay is matched by the decline in actual miles driven.

Only seven years left and we'll be done with the 1980s...

That is all.

7 comments:

Chris in TX said...

NOW we're talkin!!

My driver's ed car was a grey '86 Celebrity Wagon. It was...bland.

Dave H said...

Can't wait until we get to the jellybeans!

Roger said...

That car and others of it's ilk are definitely pornographic.

Wolfman said...

To be fair, by the end of the decade things were doing a bit better. We had an '89 Cutlass Ciera SL with the 3.1L v6 in it, and it would go great guns- my old man still figures it was one of the quickest cars he's ever owned. My sister punched it into a camper at 65 when the guy decided to dive for the freeway turn-around from the right hand lane, and four of us walked away from an accident that left only one piece of unbent body panel on the whole car. Crumple zones- they work.

Old NFO said...

It's a question of which front fender falls off first... I've got the right front in the pool... :-)

wolfwalker said...

Somewhere around 1992, my car was in the shop for an extended period. I got a rental to drive: a Pontiac 6000. No idea what model year. Not sure it mattered. Driving it was like driving something out of the 1970s: big, clumsy, big horizontal speedometer that looked ten years old, and four hamsters on treadmills under the hood. Old hamsters.

You should have mentioned that according to folklore (very well supported folklore), the '6000 SUX' in Robocop was a shot at this car.

Mark/GreyLocke said...

I used to own a Ciera and a security company I used to work for had several of the Citations we used for patrol duties. As long as you didn't want to drive on the highway long distances, they weren't too bad.