Monday, September 29, 2014

Consult The Book of Armaments!

Joseph in IL sends in a story that, honestly, I have no idea what to make of...

Fish and Wildlife Department Using 'Salmon Cannon' to Move Fish Upriver
Say goodbye to the lazy river. Salmon now have a cannon! Sounds fishy, but it's true. Whooshh Innovations, a Bellevue, Wash.-based company, has developed a product called the Fish Passage. Nicknamed the "salmon cannon," it is used to move salmon upstream much more quickly and safely than the fish are normally able to travel. The Washington Department of Fish and Wildlife has recently adopted the device to move Chinook salmon up the Washougal River about 120 feet in five seconds to a nearby truck, which then transports the fish to a hatchery. 
(On a side note, "Salmon cannon" would be an awesome name for a punk band)

There's video at the link. It's not really a cannon, it's more like a salmon vacuum. Which would also be a good name for a punk band. I think I speak for everyone when I say I want to see this weaponized. I want to watch our enemies on the battle field tremble in fear when our soldiers bellow "UNLEASH THE CANNON".

What's funny is that the article goes into the nuts and bolts of the cannon, but they never get into the real reason that the Department of Fish and Wildlife has to help salmon go upstream. Given that the cannon costs $150,000, it'd be germane to know why a chunk of tax dollars is going to help fish do what, well, they do anyways.

As Joseph states, what's next, a mackerel mortar? 

That is all.


Anonymous said...

What about: a fry flick-er, a trout tosser, a shad shooter, a bass blaster (LOVE that bass), a muskie mortar, a pickerel flickeral, a lungfish launcher, a ....HELP ME!!!!!!!!!!!!

Anonymous said...

Prepare the Halibut Howitzer!!!!

Joseph for IL

Armed Texan said...

Go old school: herring halberd

Ted said...

The Salmon need to get up steam to the spawning grounds and there are all those nice Hydrpower Dams in their way. Normally they swim up the fish ladder but apparently the Salmon lobby prevailed and so Tax $$$$ make that work easier for the undocumented fish

Anonymous said...

Salmo Ballista

Ross said...

The Whooshh website explains the need for such fancy fish transportation: "Fish species are affected by the development and operation of dams. Dams without adequate fish passage systems block migrating upstream adults from reaching critical habitat. For downstream juveniles, a substantial proportion can be killed while migrating through dams, both directly through collisions with structures and abrupt pressure changes during passage through turbines and spillways, and indirectly, through non-fatal injury and disorientation."

Anonymous said...


How is using a technology which is capable of flinging a fish 120 feet at about 16 kts any better? Abrupt pressure changes? You got that when firing the fishy missile. Collisions with structures? Just let that aim be off ever so slightly and WHAMMO. Sushi.

How is this less damaging than the fish passage systems currently in place for dams?

Is it cheaper to build an "adequate fish passage system" than drop $150,000 per unit on this thing?

And do they define their terms such as "substantial proportion" sometimes this can be classed as anywhere from 1-2% on up. And how does one measure indirect kills without resorting to some sort of Post hoc ergo proper hoc reasoning?

Joseph from IL