Tuesday, August 12, 2014

The Pun Is the Lowest Form of Humor...

Again, blame OldNFO...
1. The fattest knight at King Arthur's round table was Sir Cumference. He acquired his size from too much pi.

2. I thought I saw an eye doctor on an Alaskan island, but it turned out to be an optical Aleutian .

3. She was only a whiskey maker, but he loved her still.

4. A rubber band pistol was confiscated from algebra class, because it was a weapon of math disruption.

5. No matter how much you push the envelope, it'll still be stationery.

6. A dog gave birth to puppies near the road and was cited for littering.

7. A grenade thrown into a kitchen in France would result in Linoleum Blownapart.

8. Two silk worms had a race. They ended up in a tie.

9. A hole has been found in the nudist camp wall. The police are looking into it.

10. Time flies like an arrow. Fruit flies like a banana.

11. Atheism is a non-prophet organization.

12. Two hats were hanging on a hat rack in the hallway. One hat said to the other: 'You stay here; I'll go on a head.'

13. I wondered why the baseball kept getting bigger. Then it hit me.

14. A sign on the lawn at a drug rehab center said: 'Keep off the Grass.'

15. The midget fortune-teller who escaped from prison was a small medium at large.

16. The soldier who survived mustard gas and pepper spray is now a seasoned veteran.

17. A backward poet writes inverse.

18. In a democracy it's your vote that counts. In feudalism it's your count that votes.

19. When cannibals ate a missionary, they got a taste of religion.

20. If you jumped off the bridge in Paris, you'd be in Seine .

21. A vulture boards an airplane, carrying two dead raccoons. The stewardess looks at him and says, 'I'm sorry, sir, only one carrion allowed per passenger.'

22. Two fish swim into a concrete wall. One turns to the other and says 'Dam!'

23. Two Eskimos sitting in a kayak were chilly, so they lit a fire in the craft. Unsurprisingly it sank, proving once again that you can't have your kayak and heat it too.

24. Two hydrogen atoms meet. One says, 'I've lost my electron.' The other says 'Are you sure?' The first replies, 'Yes, I'm positive.'

25. Did you hear about the Buddhist who refused Novocain during a root canal? His goal: transcend dental medication.

26. There was the person who sent ten puns to friends, with the hope that at least one of the puns would make them laugh. No pun in ten did.
Say it with me now: Groooooaaaaan...

That is all.

7 comments:

Will Brown said...

I kept "hearing" these in Robin William's voice in my head. Now I'm wondering; was that the secret to his comedy success - he was basically a brilliant (and near-spontaneous) punster who could string them together into a semi-coherent story?

Glenn B said...

Twenty six of them, what torture.

Old NFO said...

Tank you... tank you... :-)

Nashville Beat said...

I believe it was Bennett Cerf who said, "Hanging is too good for a punster. He should be drawn and quoted."443

Morris said...

"'I'm sorry, sir, only one carrion allowed per passenger.'"

Ouch. Doing a facepalam and a grooan at the same time is possible aster all..

doubletrouble said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
doubletrouble said...

#10 is actually a Groucho line.
But still, they're all fabulously awful.