The FBI maintains an 83-page glossary of Internet slang. And it is hilariously, frighteningly out of touch.
The Internet is full of strange and bewildering neologisms, which anyone but a text-addled teen would struggle to understand. So the fine, taxpayer-funded people of the FBI — apparently not content to trawl Urban Dictionary, like the rest of us — compiled a glossary of Internet slang.Dad had two acronyms for the Feds. The first was "Fumbling, Bumbling Idiots" (the second was "Forever Bothering Italians" FWIW), and this story certainly confirms that impression. Read the whole article. Drink in the idiocy of this 83 page guide (for reference, Hemingway's "The Old Man and the Sea" is 127 pages, meaning this "guide" is only 50 pages shorter than a novel). 83 pages of outdated internet slang, apparently much of which was never very popular.
An 83-page glossary. Containing nearly 3,000 terms.
The glossary was recently made public through a Freedom of Information request by the group MuckRock, which posted the PDF, called “Twitter shorthand,” online. Despite its name, this isn’t just Twitter slang: As the FBI’s Intelligence Research Support Unit explains in the introduction, it’s a primer on shorthand used across the Internet, including in “instant messages, Facebook and Myspace.” As if that Myspace reference wasn’t proof enough that the FBI’s a tad out of touch, the IRSU then promises the list will prove useful both professionally and “for keeping up with your children and/or grandchildren.” (Your tax dollars at work!)
If these guys are so out of touch--and have such poor powers of observation that they can't figure these out--I think they need to be in a different line of work. If you can't reason out "LMAO"--or find, using Google or some other search engine, what it stands for in less than 5 seconds--perhaps you'd be better suited for a job where you wear a nametag. And push buttons with pictures on them.
No, I take that back, really. Fast food workers actually serve a useful purpose. This guide--and the dolts it was aimed at--does not. I find it unconscionable that functioning adults--let alone allegedly highly trained investigators--couldn't figure out this shorthand without an 83 -age guide, I really do. I also wonder just how much this guide cost us. Not just printing costs, which were most likely substantial, but in manpower hours. And overtime. I'm sure something of this magnitude took overtime pay.
I do have to wonder if they refer to the internet as a truck, though...
That is all.