Thursday, June 19, 2014

Unsurprising.

#1 Blogdaughter sends in a story that reaffirms everything I had heard about this particular organization from my dad when he was a MA State Police officer...

The FBI maintains an 83-page glossary of Internet slang. And it is hilariously, frighteningly out of touch.
The Internet is full of strange and bewildering neologisms, which anyone but a text-addled teen would struggle to understand. So the fine, taxpayer-funded people of the FBI — apparently not content to trawl Urban Dictionary, like the rest of us — compiled a glossary of Internet slang.

An 83-page glossary. Containing nearly 3,000 terms.

The glossary was recently made public through a Freedom of Information request by the group MuckRock, which posted the PDF, called “Twitter shorthand,” online. Despite its name, this isn’t just Twitter slang: As the FBI’s Intelligence Research Support Unit explains in the introduction, it’s a primer on shorthand used across the Internet, including in “instant messages, Facebook and Myspace.” As if that Myspace reference wasn’t proof enough that the FBI’s a tad out of touch, the IRSU then promises the list will prove useful both professionally and “for keeping up with your children and/or grandchildren.” (Your tax dollars at work!)
Dad had two acronyms for the Feds. The first was "Fumbling, Bumbling Idiots" (the second was "Forever Bothering Italians" FWIW), and this story certainly confirms that impression. Read the whole article. Drink in the idiocy of this 83 page guide (for reference, Hemingway's "The Old Man and the Sea" is 127 pages, meaning this "guide" is only 50 pages shorter than a novel). 83 pages of outdated internet slang, apparently much of which was never very popular.

If these guys are so out of touch--and have such poor powers of observation that they can't figure these out--I think they need to be in a different line of work. If you can't reason out "LMAO"--or find, using Google or some other search engine, what it stands for in less than 5 seconds--perhaps you'd be better suited for a job where you wear a nametag. And push buttons with pictures on them.

No, I take that back, really. Fast food workers actually serve a useful purpose. This guide--and the  dolts it was aimed at--does not. I find it unconscionable that functioning adults--let alone allegedly highly trained investigators--couldn't figure out this shorthand without an 83 -age guide, I really do. I also wonder just how much this guide cost us. Not just printing costs, which were most likely substantial, but in manpower hours. And overtime. I'm sure something of this magnitude took overtime pay.

I do have to wonder if they refer to the internet as a truck, though...

That is all.

9 comments:

AAcid said...

The terms I had heard was "Famous but Incompetent". The sad part is that something like this needs to be updated continuously, and for common slang (LMAO, YHGTBSM, and items similar) I am pretty sure that sites like urban dictionary and google are usually going to be more accurate than an old list. Not only a waste of time, but bad procedure.

I think this is one of the better proofs of that. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ahwSmcZxBAU

Bubblehead Les. said...

It's my understanding that the previous FBI Director hated Computers so much that he refused to use one at all, instead keeping a STENO Pool handy and sending out Memos by Hand.

Which, BTW, THE SUPREME COURT IS STILL DOING!

Spike said...

Aught to be a law but then again, they don't have to follow the law.

Stretch said...

When we meet in "MEAT SPACE" (a.k.a. F2F) ask about how the FBI handled the Beltway Sniper case.

Old NFO said...

Fueled By Imagination was one I've heard... From a Fibbie, no less...

Glenn B said...

My educated guess would be that there Internet Slang dictionary is not at all out of date. What is out of date is what they provided under the FOIA request, what they had to disclose, and not what they did not have to disclose.

Ancient Woodsman said...

" I find it unconscionable that functioning adults--let alone allegedly highly trained investigators--couldn't figure out this shorthand without an 83 -age guide, I really do."

That sentence right there with the typo was good for some serious laughs.

My former-cop late uncle had a very different, non-PC misogynist version of what 'FBI' stood for.

Ed said...

I heard that some FBI agents preferred "F***ing Bastards Inc.".

Heath J said...

Walter Mathau nailed it in "Hopscotch"

Fucking Ballbusting Imbeciles

:D