Monday, May 12, 2014

Monday Humor...

Blame OldNFO for this timely bit of humor...
In honor of Mother’s Day yesterday…

Mom didn't have a whole lot of patience with modern theories on how to bring up children. She always used to say "I'd like to be the ideal mother, but I'm too busy raising my kids."

So here's to you, Mom, and all the other mothers out there. Happy Mother's Day.


A police recruit was asked during the exam, "What would you do if you had to arrest your own mother?"

He answered, "Call for backup."


Miss Jones had just given her second-grade students a science lesson. She had explained about magnets, and showed how they would pick up nails and other bits of iron. Now it was question time.

Miss Jones said, "My name begins with the letter 'M' and I pick up things. What am I?"

A little boy in the front row proudly said, "You're a mother!"


A plane passed through a severe storm. The turbulence was awful, and things went from bad to worse when one wing was struck by lightning.

One woman lost it completely. She stood up in the front of the plane and screamed, 'I'm too young to die!'

Then she yelled, 'If I'm going to die, I want my last minutes on earth to be memorable! Is there a man on this plane who can make me feel like a WOMAN?'

For a moment, there was silence. Everyone stared at the desperate woman in the front of the plane.

Then, a man from Texas stood up in the rear of the plane. He was handsome, tall, well built, with dark brown hair and hazel eyes.

Slowly, he started to walk up the aisle, unbuttoning his shirt as he went, one button at a time. No one moved.

He removed his shirt. Muscles rippled across his chest.

She gasped...

Then, he spoke... "Iron this -- and get me a beer."
Wokka wokka wokka!

That is all.


Anonymous said...

For Mother's Day, a man bought his wife some very expensive "barely there" neglige. After presenting it to his wife, he asked her to model it.

The wife agreed, but after looking at the neglige, she decided that the style was all wrong and she would return it to get the money back and buy something she wanted.

She assumed that since her husband didn't see so well, that she'd just go out naked.

"How does it look?", she asked.

"For two hundred dollars, I would have expected them to iron it," replied the husband.

He never heard the shot. Funeral is Thursday.

Joseph in IL

Old NFO said...

LOL, you're determined to get me in trouble aren't ya... ;-D

Daniel in Brookline said...

So this older guy goes to get his Social Security check, and when he comes home he explains to his wife that he'd had a problem: he forgot his ID. Embarrassed, he assumed he'd have to go home and try again another day, but the sweet young thing behind the counter said: "Sir, unbutton your shirt."

So he did... and she said, "That's enough. You have gray chest hair; I don't need to see your ID."

The man showed his wife the check and said, "So, how about that?"

She replied, "Nice! Too bad you didn't drop your pants; you could have gotten a disability check too."

And that's when the fight started...