Tuesday, February 11, 2014

Tuesday Afternoon Humor...

Thank OldNFO for these. Or blame him. Either way, have a larf this Tuesday PM...

Law of Mechanical Repair - After your hands become coated with grease, your nose will begin to itch and you'll have to pee.

Law of Gravity - Any tool, nut, bolt, screw, when dropped, will roll to the least accessible place in the universe.

Law of Probability - The probability of being watched is directly proportional to the stupidity of your act.

Law of Random Numbers - If you dial a wrong number, you never get a busy signal; someone always answers.

Variation Law - If you change lines (or traffic lanes), the one you were in will always move faster than the one you are in now.

Law of the Bath - When the body is fully immersed in water, the telephone will ring.

Law of Close Encounters - The probability of meeting someone you know INCREASES dramatically when you are with someone you don't want to be seen with.

Law of the Result - When you try to prove to someone that a machine won't work, IT WILL!!!

Law of Biomechanics - The severity of the itch is inversely proportional to the reach.

Law of the Theater & Hockey Arena - At any event, the people whose seats are furthest from the aisle, always arrive last. They are the ones who will leave their seats several times to go for food, beer, or the toilet and who leave early before the end of the performance or the game is over. The folks in the aisle seats come early, never move once, have long gangly legs or big bellies and stay to the bitter end of the performance. The aisle people also are very surly folk.

The Coffee Law - As soon as you sit down to a cup of hot coffee, your boss will ask you to do something which will last until the coffee is cold.

Murphy's Law of Lockers - If there are only 2 people in a locker room, they will have adjacent lockers.

Law of Physical Surfaces - The chances of an open-faced jelly sandwich landing face down on a floor are directly correlated to the newness and cost of the carpet or rug.

Law of Logical Argument - Anything is possible IF you don't know what you are talking about.

Law of Physical Appearance - If the clothes fit, they're ugly.

Law of Public Speaking -- A CLOSED MOUTH GATHERS NO FEET!

Law of Commercial Marketing Strategy- As soon as you find a product that you really like, they will stop making it OR the store will stop selling it!

Some of these are so true I hesitate to call them jokes...

That is all.


Dave H said...

Anything is possible IF you don't know what you are talking about.

Sounds like some politicians I've voted against. Come to think of it, it sounds like some politicians I've voted for as well.

Rob said...

That lost nut, bolt or washer?
The technical term for where is goes is "never never land".

Old NFO said...

You're welcome... :-D

Borepatch said...

Regarding the law of Close Encounters, there's the story of when Jacques and Pierre were walking down the street.

Jacques says, "Quick, Pierre, we must hide! That is my wife walking with my mistress!"

Pierre said, "Zut alors, I was just going to say the same thing ..."

Stithjim said...

The law of the...butt button?

My dad works as an emergency road service provider. He seems to think that he has a magical button on his back side that causes the phone to ring any time he sits down for a meal.

Anonymous said...

Law of supply and demand: As soon as you have a little extra money that you talk to your spouse about plans for, your major appliances or vehicle will hear about it and immediately break.

Joseph in IL