Wednesday, October 9, 2013

But Think Of The Stories He'll Have To Tell!

Reader Ed sends this story in as a cautionary example of why you should always be prepared for the worst, even in your own home...

Burglary suspect found naked, bleeding in Marshfield home
MARSHFIELD — A Sandwich man is facing drug and burglary charges after police allegedly found him naked, bleeding and high on LSD in the mudroom of a Webster Street home with the alarmed residents inside.

Dustin Pratt, 30, of 20 Guild Road, was charged with burglary, resisting arrest, open and gross lewdness, possession of LSD, possession of LSD with intent to distribute, malicious destruction of property $250 or less, attempted burglary, possession of a burglar's tool (a knife), two counts of malicious destruction of property more than $250, possession of a Class E drug and possession of a Class A drug with intent to distribute.
Now, I'm kinda torn. On the one hand, someone in your home nekkid isn't very likely to have a weapon on their person. On the other hand, sane, responsible folks don't just show up inside your house cold starkers and bleeding as a matter of course. Hobson's choice, that. You pretty much have to assume that they are unpredictable, dangerous, and quite likely to attack without warning or provocation. While they most likely don't have a weapon in their hands, take a look around your house. Think about how many things inside your house could be used against you by a mentally unstable and violent person.

And, dude, really? Thirty years old and you're still doing hits of acid? It's time to grow the hell up, move out of mom & dad's basement, get a job, and put the childish things behind you. Sure, dropping acid and going to the Phish concert was the raddest thing you could do back in college, but college was a decade ago, dude. Time to grow the hell up and stop wasting your life. If you need to break into houses to support your drug habit, it's time to admit you have a problem and get help. It's not edgy, it's not trendy, it's pathetic.

The only smart thing this wastoid did was break into a house in Massachusetts, where self-help is discouraged...

That is all.

12 comments:

Gene in NC said...

wonder what he was using to sheath the knife...

Geodkyt said...

A. He had a knife.

B. Anyone that crazy might just go all bath salts zombie and try to eat you.

Naked crazy man in my house is possibly a bigger threat than a calm, clothed burgler. A calm burgler might well leave is facing force and having an available exit. Because if he wanted to work for a living, he'd have a job.

Crazy dude? Absotively un-friggin-predictable.

notDilbert said...

He had a valid drivers license?? Marvelous.


In that it's right after the first of the month I'm assuming his SSDI check had just come in and was immediately cashed by his dealer, and the rest of the Meds are prescriptions in his name.

What are the chances his wallet contained various EBT and other benefit cards ???

Robert said...

"police allegedly found him naked, bleeding and high on LSD in the mudroom of a Webster Street home..."

Mudroom? These people have room dedicated to mud in their house?

Anonymous said...

Hey maaaan, like turn on, tune in, drop out.

There are some baby boomers still dropping acid. They are also pushing to legalize marijuana in the US so they can be perpetually stoned through out their senior years.

I wonder if he really went to college since he was too stoned to probably register for a class or two.

Any other state and he would be on a cold slab assuming room temperature.

ASM826 said...

Robert,

In New England, every house has a mud room if they can afford it. And yes, it is dedicated to mud. The mud that happens as the snow melts and ground thaws and before the grass finally starts growing.

It can also be used during snow season as well, but it is commonly known as the mud room and the purpose is to contain the mud, slush, and melted snow that comes in on your boots and shoes and clothes.

TOTWTYTR said...

I wish I could have a mud room.

That aside. LSD? They still make that shit?

Old NFO said...

PCP... Naked or not... Just sayin...

Ed said...

Online searching of "PCP naked" gives all sorts of results, including this description of several events:

http://www.slate.com/blogs/crime/2013/06/03/the_month_in_pcp_fire_truck_follies_and_the_world_s_worst_sandwich.html

RWC said...

You used 'raddest.'

Stay way from my Commonwealth!

Anonymous said...

Hey Dude, Timothy Leary's dead.

NO, NOOOO! He's out there...

Gerry

Robert said...

"ASM826 said...
Robert,

In New England, every house has a mud room if they can afford it. And yes, it is dedicated to mud. The mud that happens as the snow melts and ground thaws and before the grass finally starts growing."

Oh, we always called that a "back porch" down here in the south. :)