Friday, August 23, 2013

OH. DEAR. SWEET. LORD. NOOOOOOOO....

DaddyBear posted this on Facebook last night. I finally recovered from the horror to post this...

Ladies & Gentlemen, Your New Batman is Ben Affleck!
After weeks of guessing, and arm-chair casting, and Ouija Board manipulation, we have the name of the person who will next play Batman He’s the actor who once took up the mantle of Daredevil, the man formally known as one-half of “Bennifer,” and after that train wreck he re-invented himself as a respected Academy Award-winning filmmaker. Yes fans, Ben Affleck has been cast as the Caped Crusader in the Man of Steel sequel Batman Vs Superman according to Deadline.
Ben Affleck as Batman. I guess we're returning to the Adam West, campy-1960s Batman, because Affleck has about the same acting "ability" as Adam West. Ben Affleck is to acting what Will Ferrell is to comedy - or what anti-matter is to matter. The two cannot coexist in the same arena at the same time. Affleck cannot act. Period. He's a carved block of wood they position in whatever scene they want. The odds of Ben Affleck being able to convey the tortured soul that is the Dark Knight are about the same as me being cast as Samson...

Gah. With the Christian Bale Batman, I was hoping they were returning to the gritty Dark Knight, I really was. Batman was never campy; the 1960s, 70s and 80s were an AWFUL time for the franchise. From the campy West Batman to the "Superfriends" abomination cartoon to Tim Burton's Mr. Batmom, Gotham's #1 defender hasn't had the best portrayal in my generation's memory. The recent Batman series - with Bale as Batman and Heath Ledger as the Joker - has been about as close to the original as we've seen since the Frank Miller "Dark Knight" graphic novel of the 1980s.

Ben Affleck as Batman. I can think of worse choices - like Emmanuel Lewis - but about a thousand better ones. Like, say, actors that can, you know, act? Have a range of emotions beyond bored affectation? What other casting nightmares can we come up with? Emo Philips as Wolverine? Danny Devito as the Hulk? I mean, it's almost like the went for the least likely actor to be able to correctly portray the known quantity of Batman.

Well, at least I'll save money on movie tickets and Blu-Rays...

That is all.

13 comments:

LCB said...

HEY!!! Don't be dissing Adam West. For some of us...HE IS BATMAN!!!

hahahahahahahaha :-)

Geodkyt said...

The only Batman portrayal I've ever really liked was Miller's graphic novel.

Admitedly, I haven't seen the Bale Batman movies, and they look pretty good.

Bubblehead Les. said...

Well, let's be fair. He did get Screwed by the Oscar Committee for "Best Director" for Argo, which seems to have been the "Best Picture" for last year.

Seems that the Hollywood Communist Elite felt that his DARING to tell a Fact-Based Story about the U.S. Government actually DOING something against the Iranians violated their Mind-Set that EVERYTHING that has happened in the Middle East is the result of American Colonialism. So he HAD to be Punished.

But let's get real. Michael Keaton was Batman. So I don't think Affleck can do much worse.

But maybe he's doing THIS Job to get the money to make another movie, a la Sam Shepard? We shall see.

Jay G said...

LCB,

There is nothing wrong with the Adam West Batman. Remember the Bat-tusi?

:)

Geodkyt,

The Bale Batman series is worth a look. It's the grittiest of the three sets (TV, Burton, Bale), which really isn't saying much. Worth a rent at least.

Les,

Good point on Keaton. Kinda what I had in mind...

Angus McThag said...

Um...

Frank Miller's Dark Knight was a reboot and a retcon and is not representative of Batman that came before at all.

I got to hear ALL about it from my friends.

lelnet said...

At least Adam West has a sense of humor about his Batman time.

Can you see Affleck EVER being able to laugh along with the audience at how much his own performance sucks?

Dave H said...

A good friend of mine is an unabashed Adam West fan. When West attended a con in Pittsbugth my friend stood in line to get his autograph and got to chat with him for a moment. The Bat-tusi was West's idea. (Or at least he's claiming credit for it, with a chuckle.)

Christian Bale as Batman didn't do much for me, but Heath Ledger's Joker is definitely worth the price of a rental.

Geodkyt said...

Angus, the INITIAL Batman was really dark, and pushing the edge of the censors.

They had Nerfed him fairly extensively within the first years. Up to that point, he the Punisher with pointy ears. No problems with guns or killing, either, until AFTER the first issue of the seperate Batman comic.

Miller's work was a lot closer to the relative FEEL of the original Batman than the "traditional" Batman after 1945.

Angus McThag said...

Sigh...

Which another friend pointed me to just moments after I mentioned my comment.

I didn't go back far enough. I figured 30 years would be enough! ;)

He also reminded me of "Superman is a Dick".

That's classic material there.

Angus McThag said...



Superman vs Batman

Laura said...

you know, Jay, lots of people poo-poohed Ledger as the Joker before he delivered possibly the best performance of his too-short life. i'm waiting to see how this one plays out.

Samuel Suggs said...

I demand they give Tom Selleck another shot, despite his movies other unralted failings

Ross said...

Other bad castings, Jay? You may not want to read any further, because I have one that will fry your brain... and I wouldn't put it past the masterminds at DC to do it.
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Pee Wee Herman as the Man of Steel.