Tuesday, June 11, 2013

Let's Go Over This One More Time...

Apparently, folks need a refresher course. You see, it's raining. It rains on a pretty regular basis here in New England, not as much as, say, Seattle or London, but still pretty regularly. Even so, people simply lose their damn minds when any precipitation falls from the sky - and this is never more evident than when they climb behind the wheel of an automobile. With that in mind, here's some friendly tips from your humble host for MA drivers...
  • I know I've said it before, but tailgating me at a distance of approximately 8 microns isn't going to get me to go any faster when there are two cars in front of me. I'm not going to start pushing. All you're going to accomplish by drafting off my truck is to make sure I obey the speed limit the entire trip, stop for every crosswalk, and let everyone I can in front of me.
  • On the complete opposite side, if you can't achieve more than 25 MPH in a 40 MPH zone, perhaps you ought to re-evaluate your particular skill set when it comes to operating a two ton motor vehicle. If you cannot keep up with the flow of traffic, perhaps it's time to sell the GM Land Yacht and invest in the senior bus.
  • Note to garbage trucks: The road we're on is easily two lanes wide on both sides. Stopping in the dead center so that you can pick up the gargbage is a dick move, I don't care who you are. We're still going to go around you, we just have to cross the center line to do so now. You're the lucky guy - the guy driving the truck, not slinging the rubbish - if you piss off enough people who complain, guess what?
  • Directionals. Use them. Slamming on your brakes for no apparent reason is not a good way to endear yourself to the remainder of the motoring public. Are you turning? Do you have vehicular Tourettes? Who knows? Stay tuned as we spin the Wheel 'O' Random Driving!
  • Note to HVAC box van: Parking your large, cubular box van around a corner around a hill? BRILLIANT! Everyone has to slam on their brakes and come to a dead stop right by your van, because they can't see around you. They'll be sure to note the company name so they know who to curse as they have to slow to crawl to get around your inconsiderately parked truck. Dumbass.
  • And, lastly, pedestrians. Folks, if you're trying to cross the road less than 15 feet from a crosswalk, I will aim my towing mirror squarely at your noggin. Step off that curb in the crosswalk and I will stop every damn time. If you are too lazy to walk the extra 10 steps down the sidewalk to the crosswalk, though, I ain't stopping. This is 100X worse if you have kids with you - great lesson you're setting there.
I think that about covers it for today...

That is all.

5 comments:

Dave H said...

Preach it brother!

Regarding the HVAC van - I've been tempted many times to print up a bunch of bumper stickers to apply to trucks like that. The stickers would say "CONTRACTORS: They drive like they own the road and they park like they own the sidewalk."

Cargosquid said...

AMEN, Brother! Preach it!

Paul, Dammit! said...

On a sobering note, a preschooler got killed a few streets over from me a few months ago because she and her mom didn't walk 100' further to to the school zone to push the damn 'walk' button. Darwin's Laws don't distinguish between parent and offspring in the early years.

bob r said...

Yeah, we have those problems in Seattle too. I doubt rain has anything to do with it -- people, as a group, just don't know how to drive.

And, apropos of nothing in particular, Seattle actually gets less rain than Boston. The distribution is a little different and it's probably overcast more often in Seattle.

Roy said...

I have told my boss on many occasions that we ought to replace all of our service vans with those brown step vans that the UPS drivers use.

That way we can park them anywhere we damn well please.