Wednesday, May 1, 2013

Who Will Rid Me of this Turbulent Bacon?

Stretch sent this in. I think I have the answer...

Who Can Stop These Adorable Pigs?
This may seem like a ludicrous pitch for a doomsday blockbuster or a leftover gag from Babe: Pig in the City or an excuse to put even more bacon in our diet but the fact is, wild pigs have overrun the planet. To wit: Pig populations are nearing a million in the state of Florida, encroaching on urban areas and destroying an F-16 fighter plane in Jacksonville. Feral pigs are running (hog) wild in the streets of Berlin, with dedicated pig squads waging a losing battle to overtake them. They’ve become a fixture on the West Bank, after Israeli settlers, some say, released boars to destroy Palestinian croplands. There are even thousands of radioactive wild pigs wandering Europe, thanks to the tainted feeding grounds near Chernobyl.
This is an answer with a very simple solution. One word, in fact:


10 rounds of .308 Winchester goodness. G-d's Own Caliber. Enough oomph to take down even a feral hog at 200 yards, easy. The VEPR was good for ~ 3-4 MOA at 100 yards once the scope was sighted in - a 4" spread over a hog means bacon for breakfast. I'm good with that. The robust AK-47-based action means that it'll be ready for anything that the elements might dish out.

Ambulance Driver has offered to take me on a hog hunt. I think it's about time to take him up on that offer. I need to get my hunting license here in MA first, which I will do over this summer. After that, it's bacon-harvesting time. Hopefully. Mmm. Free range bacon...

You just know I had to post something Russian on May Day, right?

That is all.


firedigger said...

Don 't want to spoil your fun, but my game processor tells me feral hogs generally don't have enough fat to make good bacon. Dang, but I still am enjoying the chorizo, Italian sausage, breakfast sausage, and burger. Have a great time while doing your part to rid the countryside of this persistent pest.

Rifleman762 said...

I'm not sure there's anywhere in MA where you can hunt hogs. If there is, I'd like to hear about it. NH has one or two places where you can hunt them for a fee. Hogs aren't native to New England (yet!).

If you're referring to a trip outside of New England, you don't need a MA hunting license. Once you pass the Hunter Ed course, you can use it to get a license in any state.

Dave H said...

I understand New York has feral hogs, which are spreading north out of Pennsylvania. (Apparently one or more pig farmers in PA couldn't make a go of it, so they just turned their livestock loose.) They're moving quickly. Give it a few years and they'll probably be in western MA.

I've also heard their meat isn't all that great. Considering they're omnivores foraging in people's flower beds and garbage, I'm not surprised.

Anonymous said...

Dave, the boars have a lot of testosterone, which seems to affect the taste and toughness of the meat. You have to marinate and lard the meat for it to taste good, IMHO.

Wild pig here in Texas is considered (almost) "free fire, no limit, please shoot some more."


Toastrider said...

An F-16? What, are these pigs or fucking Dire Boars from Dungeons and Dragons?!

Ye gods.