So, last night I'm in the bathroom taking out my contacts, when TheBoy comes running in. He is visibly distraught and incoherent, and has a toothbrush in his hand. And a tube of Cortaid in the other.
Yes, my son brushed his teeth with anti-itch cream.
First thing I told him was to start rinsing his mouth out with water. I looked at the components and didn't see anything instantly horrifying, then checked online. A quick search on "used Cortaid for toothpaste" brought up a story very similar to ours, with the number for Poison Control (800-222-1222).
When Poison Control answered, I relayed what happened to the nice woman who answered the phone. As I said in the title, she laughed - apparently mistaking Cortaid for toothpaste is pretty common (as is Preparation H, she told me). She reassured us that the small amount he used - never mind possibly ingested - wouldn't be enough to harm him; he might have an upset stomach at the worst.
"Used a topical medication as toothpaste" - CHECK. These are the milestones they don't advertise in the children's books... It was used as a learning tool for "pay attention, boy!"; it appears to be no harm, no foul; and hopefully he'll not turn his brain off until *after* he gets into bed from now on.
But Lord help me I have no idea how I'm going to survive puberty and dating...
That is all.