Thursday, February 28, 2013

Think Of The Fun We Could Have...

Stretch sent this story in, and I've been thinking about the possibilities...

No One Wants To Claim An Abandoned Russian Cruise Ship Drifting Toward Europe
A Russian cruise ship has been adrift in the North Atlantic since January, after breaking free from a towing line as it was being delivered from Canada to a scrapyard in the Dominican Republic.

The Lyubov Orlova, built in 1976, once operated as a cruise ship, exploring the icy waters of Antarctica. In 2010, she was seized at St. John's harbor in Newfoundland following a suit by a haulage contractor against the Russian owners over $250,000 in unpaid fees. The ship remained tied up for more than two years before it was sold to Caribbean buyers in February 2012.
Here's the ship in question:


Oh, sure, it's no Carnival cruise ship - but then again, it's not on fire.

Now, just think of the kind of fun we could have with a cruise ship. Kit her out with a skeleton crew, set sail for known pirate waters, wait for an adventurous group of latter-day Jack Sparrows, and then open up with a handful of previously hidden Ma Deuces... I'd wager you could bring a dozen or so big game hunters for a cruise for the ultimate experience: Pirate Hunter.

Let's see... According to Wikipedia, she fits a crew of 70 and allows for 110 passengers. I'm thinking that if we trimmed the crew complement to 50, we could make room for a larger armory. Instead of 110 passengers, you arrange a couple dozen decent suites and maybe another couple dozen standard rooms...

Oh, I wager we could have a LOT of fun with this...

That is all.

24 comments:

Armed Texan said...

We used to have a navy to do this for us.

Wolfman said...

Yeah, but before that, we used to hire talented amateurs. The idea has merit...

Veeshir said...

That's the first thing I thought too.

We get it running, stop by Yemen to to to an arms bazaar to pick up some Russian automatic weapons and maybe a few RPGs, maybe Pakistan to get some old Brit 5 pounder cannons and then head to the Gulf of Aden.

We could sell tix for $1million, that comes with target practice with everything on board, an AK with unlimited ammo and an RPG with one shot for when the pirates come.

You can upgrade to belt-fed auto or get more shots for your RPG.

For $2million, you get a window cabin with your own turret for your Ma Deuce.

Two cruises and we're all rich!
We just need to get some Marines or Seals or something to make sure we don't all die.

Jennifer said...

Best. Blogshoot. Evar!
No ATF in international waters, I'm just sayin'

Wally said...

Well I'd be happy to contribute some gear to the ship... And where is Stingray anyway ?!

Dirk said...

I know which end of a boat is which.

Where do I sign up?

SCI-FI said...

I always said if my chosen profession didn't work out, I want to become a pirate. Pirate-hunter is one better, and my current job blows.

Anonymous said...

I'm thinking more along the lines of a live fire target for the US Navy.

Harpoons or MK 48's?

Surface vs Subs Vs Airdales. May the best team win!

Gerry

Maureen Williams said...

Wally stole my comment: Paging Stingray......

Formynder said...

When I deployed in 2009 my platoon sergeant showed me a cruise that was doing that essentially, and one of the listed features was a minigun on the rear deck, I think the cost of the cruise in Somalian waters was $10k or so.

instinct said...

I'm in! We could even have a Wog day when we cross the 0 line! :D

threecollie said...

Privateering! how cool!

Anonymous said...

Having crossed the line under sail, I insist that the polliwogs all be held accountable.

NotDilbert

Exurbankevin said...

One word: zombies.

David said...

Call the discovery channel and get them to bank roll the first trip. It could be their new reality TV show - Pirate Hunters.

BGMiller said...

So are any nations still in the business of signing letters of marquee?

Either way I'm in. And since any cruise won't be all recoil and laughter I'll even volunteer myself for the galley 'twixt engagements.

BGM

Bubblehead Les. said...

Get a Letter of Marque and Reprisal (which is STILL in the U.S. Constitution, BTW) and well show those Scurvy Land Lubbers a thing or two when we sail into New York Harbor and unload 2 Liter bottles of Pepsi!

Exurbankevin said...

According to Wikipedia, it's reinforced for traveling in icy waters, meaning it's prow can probably do some damage on lesser-built boats.

RAMMING SPEED!

Linoge said...

I happen to know someone who was once qualified to drive things like that around, but also spent way too much time in the engineering spaces of them too (and is a Golden Shellback to boot)...

In fact, she is not a whole lot longer than my old frigate, and the additional screw makes maneuvering a lot easier (though she probably lacks forward thrusters). 11kts is crappy top speed, though; the transit from San Diego to the Gulf is about 13,500 english miles, which translates to ~11,800 nautical miles, which translates to a transit time of 45 days... at top speed, which no ship can maintain for a month and a half (especially since you have to stop and refuel periodically ;) ). Once you are there, though, putting into Dubai or Aden or Mombasa would not be too hard.

The real trick is getting past the annoying detail that most ports do not allow commercial ships to be armed, in any way.

On the one hand, everything mechanical inside of her will have been stripped away or seized up solid in the 1-3 years she has been sitting tied up.

On the other hand, she is ice-rated, which will make uparmoring her a lot easier.

On the gripping hand, the cost of actually getting her to a yard at this point would probably be in the hundreds of millions, given you have to find, catch, secure, and tow her possibly thousands of nautical miles, and that's before you even start accounting for whatever broke.

Sure could be fun, though... Yeah, I will be over here under my wet blanket.

Anonymous said...

The Whale wars/Sea Sheppard people where just declared as pirates. Anyone for an Enviro weenie roast?

THOTpolice

GreyLocke said...

Can I move my HAM Shack in for COMMS?

Jennifer said...

Oh Linoge! There you go with the facts and logic thing. This is why we can't have nice things.

PA State Cop said...

Sink_Ex. Harpoons anyone, or Mark 48's?

PA State Cop said...

Sorry Gerry. You said it first. How about A10's with Mavericks?