...that's the humorous way a former co-worker used to introduce me to new people, upon learning that I have no sense of smell.
Got to talking with a friend last night about my nasal impairment (as Ambulance Driver likes to say, my nose - large as it is - is purely ornamental). I was asked if I'd always been without a sense of smell - as far as I can remember, yes; although there was an incident when I was 12 whereupon I suffered blunt trauma to the head (I fell down a flight of stairs; don't ask, it was one of those things that 12 year old boys do...) that might have hastened the demise of my sniffer.
I then related a humorous story related to my lack of olfaction. When I was a wee lad in the throes of secondary education, I dated a comely young lass (not the one who would become Mrs. G.) who once asked me the question that all men dread:
"Notice anything different about me?"
Now - you have to understand something here. While I may pride myself on my situational awareness when walking about in strange cities or taking my family to a questionable part of town, it is positively abysmal when it comes to noticing things as they pertain to the fairer gender. The Mrs. once cut her hair from halfway down her back to a pageboy cut - and I didn't notice for three days (in my defense here, I had returned from a conference in Fort Lauderdale where - to save money - my MS advisor had arranged a rental car for four graduate students to drive down to the conference from New Hampshire. I was a little off my game even for me).
So I looked and I looked, and I checked everything: Hairstyle, makeup, clothes. Nothing. The hour of reckoning was upon me.
"Um... You've lost weight?"
(guys, when you are honestly and truly clueless, this is really the one safe answer).
"No, that's not it"
(and with that she moved in real close)
I looked again. And again. I studied *everything*. Sherlock Holmes had nothing on me. Still I kept coming up empty. Nada. Zip. Zilch. Bumpkis.
At that point I had to concede defeat. She was indignant, telling me that I never noticed anything, that she didn't know why she bothered, etc. And then finally,
"I'm wearing a new perfume!"
Well, I didn't help things any by laughing. Just as she was about to storm out of the room, I managed to get out that I had no sense of smell.
All of a sudden, the many instances of me "not getting it" made sense...
That is all.