Wednesday, January 2, 2013

The Must-Have Gift of the Season!

Tactical Suitcase Raptor
Tactical Suitcase Raptors are the latest in Raptor Warfare technology. Think of them like a small scale suitcase nuke that is limited to a single room. We raise Raptors from an egg and when they've matured to optimal destruction age we lovingly pack them in a suitcase for you to let loose and destroy your foes in a hale of teeth and claws.
The best part, though?
Why Use it?

I think I speak for everyone when I say this is the greatest idea in the history of great ideas. Think of the many applications a tactical suitcase raptor would be perfect for:
  • Boring meetings
  • Self-defense
  • TSA
  • Stay off my lawn
  • Meddling kids
The applications are nearly limitless!

That is all.


wolfwalker said...

How about we set a couple of them loose in the Capitol during Barry Lackwit's next State of the Union address?

wolfwalker said...

Oh, one other note: for TSA, a raptor is probably overkill -- after all, there's all the innocent travelers to think of. For that situation I would recommend instead a Tactical Suitcase Cobra, which will only bite (or spit on) whichever Thug Standing Around is stupid enough to open its home and wake it up. At the trial the snake can claim it was acting in self-defense under the Castle Doctrine, and get off scot-free.

Joshua said...

Want, want, want, waaaaant.

Would also be great for shoplifters, construction site theft, and protecting your lunch at the office...