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Thursday, January 24, 2013

Holy Poorly-Placed Stories, Batman!

Pediem sends in the latest DGC addition:

Man fatally shoots intruder
A HOMEOWNER in the Powelton section of West Philadelphia fatally shot a man who had broken into his house Tuesday night, police said.

Cops said the man was upstairs in his home, on Wiota Street near Spring Garden, when he heard the intruder break into the house through his kitchen door about 9 p.m. The intruder made it to the living room, with a spade shovel in hand, and started up the stairs to the second floor when police say the 37-year-old homeowner shot him three times in the chest.

Because this is a story about a defensive gun use, that's the entire article. Well, there was one line about the goblin expiring, but really, what you see above is it. The remainder of the space on that page is filled with news about the pending ZOMG Assault Weapon ban. Great placement, guys. A legal home defense shooting interspersed with ZOMG BAN TEH GUNZ!

Now, I don't know about the rest of y'all, but I can't for the life of me think of a reason for a burglar to walk through a house holding a shovel. It's not like he was going to dig up the living room floor and plant potatoes or anything. No, it's far more likely that he grabbed the shovel on the way in and planned to use it as a blunt weapon - and had that homeowner not had a firearm for protection, we might be reading about a dead homeowner, brutally beaten to death by a home invader.

I like the ending where the goblin takes three to the chest much better.

Dead Goblin Count: 359

That is all.

7 comments:

Bubblehead Les. said...

Blunt Weapon? Uh, actually, turn the blade 90 Degrees and it makes an Expedient Ax! Soviet Spetnaz troops actually Sharpen the Blade and practice throwing their Entrenching Tools like a Knife.

But I guess the Goblin learned what happens when you "Bring a Knife to a Gun Fight."

Bob said...

Is "spade shovel" racist? Should I feel guilty for giggling?

Skul said...

I enjoyed that article so much, I read it three times. :D

Ach! I see the spam volume forced you to go to verification.
Old NFO, may have to do the same.

Dirk said...

Nah, we wouldn't hear about it, because nobody got shot.

Robert said...

Well, at least he was polite enough to bring his own shovel to his burial.

Skul said...

If I could buy commentor Robert, a beer, I would do so.
Made me laugh.

Sabra said...

The article placement was actually a stroke of brilliance. You've got a page with lots of herp-derp about gun control and weapons bans...and then a story showing the utility of guns. It's going to make at least a couple of folks who read it stop & think.