Thursday, November 22, 2012

Ah, Yes, Massachusetts, Land of the Brave...

Skidmark sends in a story oddly appropriate for today:

Complaints About Turkey Attacks On The Rise In Brookline
BROOKLINE (CBS) – Neighbors are on the offensive in Brookline after what some residents are describing as aggressive turkeys.

“They were attacking the vehicle,” Karen Halvorson said outside her home in the Aspinwall Hill neighborhood.

After getting in her truck, a neighbor came and ran the birds off but it didn’t stop there.

Wait. Let me get this straight. You were attacked by turkeys, you got into a vehicle, and continued to be attacked? Really? You never thought to, I don't know, start the truck up and make some turkey paté? Honest? Look, I understand not everybody does the gun thing, especially in the Volksrepublik. But have some common sense, people. If a turkey is attacking you and you have the option of a 3,000 pound weapon, USE IT.

It's this culture of helplessness that's killing us. Folks that can' think for themselves that a 40 pound animal vs. a 3,000 vehicle is a no-brainer; that think the only entity that can save them is the (local/state/federal) government; that are too timid, afraid, or lazy to take control of a situation; these are symptoms of a larger problem. I don't know what the solution is, but cowering in a motor vehicle while an animal with a brain the size of a peanut is your master ain't in my plan.

We don't run from turkeys, folks, we eat them.

That is all.


Angus McThag said...



Dead turkey.

Worked on the farm, works in the driveway...

Dave H said...

In fairness, those same local/state/federal governments have run roughshod over people who didn't follow the rules about wildlife. And most people don't even know those rules. That's why they're afraid.

But it's still a symptom of the same problem.

Anonymous said...

A friend stopped at a light to watch a local PD save a Young Damsel in Distress being harassed by a tom wild turkey. Young Damsel was standing on top of her car in a parking lot of the Churchville Inn. Our local feed store sold chicks and when they got too big and ornery folks just turned them loose.

John Law came up laughing and tried to shoo the turkey away. Turkey turned, flew up and proceeds to wing slap and spur the living daylight out of the officer. Turkey 1 PoPo 0

John Law is now pissed and draws his ASP. Respect My Authority and he charges said turkey. Tom Turkey appears to say my fowl foo is too strong for you and wing slaps and spurs John Law to the ground. Turkey 2 PoPo 0

Young Damsel in Distress decides this is an opportune time to get back in her car and drive away.

John Law now has had enough. His hand goes to holster and he begins to draw weapon. Crowd boos! John Law looks like he may shoot one or two of them as well.

Tom Turkey decides to leave and struts off to seek a more worthy adversary or female of his own species.

John Law leaves and probably tells the shift commander the reason his uniform is all torn up is he fought off the whole Breed motorcycle club.


Old NFO said...

Too funny Gerry! :-) 350 degrees 1/2 hour per pound... Just sayin....

Anonymous said...

Where I live, the headline would be Thanksgiving Dinner.

Seriously, I understand that people in MA don't have guns but don't they have dogs. Any self respecting medium size dog would see off a turkey. A goose might be a different matter.

Julie said...

Gerry - you should blog!!!

Eck! said...

I pass a flock (about 15 in all) of them every day. I even take pictures. One attacks its dinner or at least going to get a whole lot of attitude and my foot. Just once I'd like to see how far I can punt one. ;)

Seriously they are wild animals and
should not be approached as they aren't without weapons. The lack of hunting and predication is the real problem.


Ken O said...

Hippies, aggressive panhandlers and occutards can also be driven over.

The Suburban Bushwacker said...

Hilarious! i thought people were only that stupid in London. Although I would question the use f the truck as a weapon too much meat damage.

The Suburban Bushwacker said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Daniel in Brookline said...

Yup. The day before Thanksgiving, we ran into a flock of about six -- a hen and five nearly-full-grown chicks, by the looks of it -- crossing the street, right in front of my house.

(No, they didn't attack the car; they just sauntered along, looking for a better-looking yard than mine.)

In truth, I was not tempted to go after them, with a firearm OR with the car. They weren't threatening anyone, and I'm not the hunting type. Besides, we'd already bought our own turkey.

living up to my handle,