Wednesday, October 24, 2012

If Only There Were A Far More Complicated Solution!

Honestly, some days I despair for humanity, I really do...

Scientists Discover Cure for Pizza Mouth Burns
There’s nothing quite like a slice of hot pizza to test a person’s resolve. It’s steaming and cheesy and right there, but do you wait for it to cool down or dive right in? Everyone occasionally takes the mouth-searing bite and regrets it, but now science has come to the rescue with a dissolving strip that soothes mouth burns on contact.
Researchers from the University of New Mexico and the University of Texas at Austin designed the strips in the style of those dissolving breath freshener tabs, but these deliver an anesthetic to numb the pain and a therapeutic polymer to help heal the burn, according to Discovery.
Or, you know, you could wait five minutes for the damn thing to cool. Seriously, people, did we really need to devote research time to this? Honest? Because people are too damn impatient to wait a few minutes for the pizza to cool, someone had to come up with a topical anaesthetic strip for the roof of the mouth? I mean, sure, it's not rocket science by any means - hell, I've got topical anaesthetic in the form of Kanka and those "Breath Strips", it's not hard to think of combining the two - but it doesn't speak well of our society that this was one of the pressing issues garnering research dollars.

Bet this was a "shovel ready" project...

That is all.

12 comments:

Anonymous said...

I thought the cure for pizza mouth was cold beer.

Gerry

Armed Texan said...

Gerry,

It is, but you can be certain that it wasn't frat boys working on the research teams.

Anonymous said...

Armed Texan,

Let's you, me and Jay submit an abstract to NIH to study beer as a treatment for pizza mouth.

I think we can get the study done in a year for only $500,000. Then we do phase II, which beer is best for pizza mouth for $750,000.

Equal split on the money?

Gerry

Glenn B said...

Are you calling us burn victims inpatient or worse yet calling us stupid???

I have gotten those burns before! Seems it cannot be reliably prevented unless you like lukewarm or cold pizza (neither is bad but hot is best). Sometimes you just cannot tell when is the right moment to bite down and take a good sized mouthful out of a darned slice without paying for it in the form of a nuclear attack on the roof of your mouth. I have been fooled more than once, after touching the top of the cheese, even pushing my finger into it a bit to see if it was cool enough - then - oh dear - the roof of my mouth dissolved into the cheese, oil and pizza dough and I was in pain for a few days to a week.

Maybe we can do research on a pizza thermometer too; although, I like the beer idea much better. I have been using that method, of numbing the pain, for years now. I like beer, I really do. I wonder if that could be related to how many burns I have gotten, like do I burn myself on purpose just to drink beer. Nah, that would be silly, there are just to many other reasons to drink the stuff without being a masochist.

Now where did I put my slice and that cold one....


All the best,
GB

Old NFO said...

Sigh... At least this one is better than the Chinese Hookers one...

TheMinuteman said...

My immediate thought was "First World Problems..."

MedicMatthew said...

But this is important, because SCIENCE!

misbeHaven said...

MedicMatthew,

No, this is important because GRANT MONEY!

Ross said...

Jay, I understand why YOU don't understand this - the crap that passes for pizza in this socialist hellhole we call Mass isn't WORTH risking the chance of a burn. However, if you've ever visited Sodom on the Hudson (AKA NYC), then you've had ITALIAN pizza (Hmm... given your last name, you may actually know of the superiority of Italian pizza over the Greek-cooked-in-a-pan garbage...) which is, believe me, WORTH a little pain.

Silver the Evil Chao said...

I dunno, the fact that they invented an instant oral anesthetic that can be taken easily...I'd say that's pretty useful! Who knows what other oral injuries it could be used for? Maybe even used for dentistry?

Andie said...

High five @ The Minuteman. :)

Jay G said...

Silver,

There already *exists* an instant oral anesthetic that can be taken easily - it's called "Kanka" and is applied via swab. All they've done is infuse a dissolvable sheet with it, and done it with our tax dollars to boot...