Tuesday, June 19, 2012

In Soviet MA, Barrel Mugs You!

Heh. Reader Ed sends in this mind-boggling story from right here in the Volksrepublik:

Brockton robber allegedly was armed with trash barrel full of food — and a wrench
A Holbrook man is facing charges for robbing a man of his bicycle and jewelry by brandishing a barrel of stolen food and then hitting the man with a wrench, Brockton police said.

The alleged victim told police he was riding his bike on West Street near Forest Avenue at about 8 a.m. Sunday when the man robbed him.

Next up in the MA legislature: The Assault Barrel Ban. All trash bins capable of holding more than 10L of frozen meats will be banned, and only pre-ban large capacity bins will be allowed. You will need a Class A LTC (License to Compost) in order to own or possess a high-capacity trash barrel. Trash receptacles will be subject to the Approved Receptacle Roster. Trash barrels will have to have pinned lids - no more "cover thing that goes up".

I'm still trying to puzzle together the use of a small trash barrel as a weapon - especially considering that the wrench he was carrying was apparently sufficient to do the job. Did he think that the barrel full of meat was more menacing than a heavy metal tool? Perhaps his intended victim was Jewish or Muslim and would be more afraid of the non-kosher/non-halal food? When oh when will Rubbermaid stop manufacturing these devices whose only function is to hold stolen meat?

You know, I couldn't make stuff up this stupid...

That is all.


Brad_in_MA said...


What if the barrel were full of beef and the perp tried to clobber a hindu? Oh, the horror.


Anonymous said...

Well after the perp gets two days of community service for MA, he'll get 15 years at Club Fed for a hate crime.


Anonymous said...

Hate crimes against Veagans must stop now!


Skul said...

Did it have a bayonet lug??

Ed said...

Barrel full of assault wieners!

Ken O said...

Barrel shroud.